All these fantasies had a few things in common. When in my cross-dreams, in which I am in my feminine form, I am always,
1)Good - Stands for what is right, thought I have to suffer for that.
2)Humble - Do not hurt others egos. I even surrender to male egos of others.
3)Submissive- Loves to be dominated, ordered. Even don't mind being humiliated, getting bound, beaten up (light BDSM)
4)Weak - Likes to be protected by someone strong
5)Beautiful - I am a stunning beauty queen
I did not want to go to the route of transition, as I had responsibilities to fulfill in my family.
I occasionally did cross dressing when I am alone, but the urge to cross dress was not much strong in me. My wild imagination gave me more vivid ways of expressing my inner woman than cross dressing.
I have found that suppressing these fantasies does not work. I have tried it multiple times. I would be successful for a while, but after that the fantasies would re emerge with wild power.
Then I started reflecting about a different alternative of somehow integrating my feminine fantasies into my day to day life in a healthy way, without falling to any addictive habits. I happen to read an article which gave more fuel to this thought. To me, it was all instinctive. I felt that there is a way to integrate femininity into my male life in a healthy way.
I will discuss more in the coming articles.